Well hello, lovelies!
Have you been wondering how my experiment has been going?
The biggest commitment I made to myself as part of this experiment - I even bolded it in my original post - has been to ONLY participate in business activities that nourish me and bring me more alive.
To honor that commitment, that's meant working a lot less than I'm used too! In fact, I haven't posted since Day 2! So you'll get a nice juicy update today. ðŸ™‚
One of the biggest gifts of this experiment is that my colleague & classmate from the Barbara Brennan School of Healing has been visiting. She and I took some time over the weekend to exchange energy healing sessions.
Her work with me brought me right into the center of a very young, wounded place inside of me. Â You see, Ginna (my classmate) asked me during our healing session exchange... "Can you think back to one memory from when you were young that you felt completely safe to just be?"
To my surprise... the answer was no. I couldn't find that memory.
I'm not sure why.
I love the depth of Brennan Healing Science for this reason. Regardless of what our childhood looked like - there is wounding we carry out of it into our adult lives. There are misunderstandings that get internalized in our consciousness. There is the soul curriculum we carry into our life experience (often showing up as challenges) for healing, deepening, and growth.
As I lay on the healing table to receive my healing session... I felt the hyper-vigilance in my nervous system. I felt the very old experience of over-responsibility - fighting and working hard to survive.
Perhaps I carry this from my ancestors. Â Perhaps I simply internalized this lack of safety from an isolated experience as a very small baby.
But regardless of what my conceptual mind tells me... my body has a very old cellular memory that tells me it's not safe to let go. It's not safe to just be. It tells me that I have to keep doing, pushing, tracking in order to be safe.
As Ginna held the most exquisite space of safety and soothing, I felt the next layer of this place in myself emerge - my nervous system beginning to unwind and let go. There were deep sobs as I grieved the holding up that I've been doing since before I was able to talk. Â And as I felt myself being held up by the earth in a way I had
I feel deeply in my soul how that cellular memory is a driving me forward in ways that don't serve me any longer.
Even though my mind knows that the stillness, the creative play time, the being-ness are where the magic happens, this cellular memory has a different experience.
As I've integrated the work we did in this session, I remember more of my True Nature. I feel, yet again, how doing our INNER WORK is what creates the biggest shifts in my life. NOT more work, more tasks, more accomplishments.
And I once again feel that I'm not in this for the results. I'm in this for the journey. Because I know how to get results - I've spent my life doing that. But what I haven't done is created the level of integration of body, mind & spirit that I'm not creating the reaping the benefits of.
Where my business and livelihood are a direct expression of my Essence, my Soul. Where I walk my talk, where I am in the full experience of beautiful, messy life...
That's what I came here for. That's what my Soul wants.
To rest. To experience. To grow. And then to rest some more.
Thank you to Ginna, my dear soul sister and classmate, for yourÂ depth of presence that supported me in feeling safe enough to release another layer of fear, hyper-vigilance and fight.
I feel a deep sense of peace in this moment... even though I haven't been keeping a normal working schedule, even though I haven't figured out my next steps and what's next for my work. Â Even though I'm not hyper-vigilantly tracking what I need to do to "stay on track".
In this moment, I'm content to rest in the knowing that today, I served. Today, I listened and honored myself. Â Today, I am enough.
Just as YOU are, dear reader. <3