Let's recap.
On Wednesday, I had a mini-meltdown just trying to do a simple task in my biz. Had to slow down and figure out what was going on. Resulted in some deep inner listening and an experiment to try new things in my biz. Like 100% honoring my creative process, what nourishes me, etc. This is scary... 'cause I don't know if I'll get any results if I do my biz like this!
Read all about it here. Then check out my Day 1 recap here.
Day Two has been interesting. It's been a very busy couple of days for me... teaching live webinars, shooting training videos and a friend in town visiting.
I was feeling torn between being a good host and all the fun experiences that I could have with my friend AND honoring my work. So one new awareness is that being self-honoring in my business doesn't always look like doing the most fun thing. Sometimes, the thing that feels best to me is a healthy boundary that ALLOWS me to focus on my business. And that is what actually feels best.
As I felt the pressure to stretch beyond what felt good - to be with my friend and still try to meet the commitments I'd made with my work... I realized that this was one of those moments that instead of meeting the inner demands, I need to slow down and be with the underlying feelings.
I sat with the experience of pressure and dropped in to some tender feelings. I witnessed my story that even though I'm a highly productive individual... it still feels like it's not enough. (That "not enough" belief again!) I could feel this deeply rooted belief emerging... "I can never DO enough to be safe!"
I let the fear arise and I sat with it. I realized that no matter HOW much I achieve in my business, it will NEVER be enough to eliminate thee fear in me that says, "I can never do enough to be safe!"
With this realization comes so much freedom. Because now I can see the faulty logic in trying to do more and produce more in order to be safe. What I can instead do is BE with the fear and remind myself it's simply a belief based on past experiences. It's not truth.
Yet even with this new awareness... I can feel that part of my system doesn't feel safe quite yet. It doesn't fully know that it's OK to produce less and slow down. I realize that even though I do so many things that create balance in my life... the fear is still under the surface... pushing me to DO more. It doesn't always feel safe to take care of myself and create balance. I experience the balance and self-care as risky.
As I worked with this place in me, and I again released any inner demands, I felt this spaciousness come in. It gave me space to reflect on some amazing blessings in my life. I feel incredibly supported by so many people. Many of my colleagues are relatively new friends that I've connected with because of our similar desires to share our gifts, serve and make an impact, and also experience the success and abundance that comes along with it.
This week, my entrepreneurial soul sisters and brothers have rooted me on, facilitated my webinars for me, shared my work with their following and so much more. I can feel their belief in me.
I got this message from one of them as I'm writing this:
"I can't remember the last time (if ever) that I had someone in my life who I wanted the best for the way I feel with you...and who I feel I have a totally reciprocal and symbiotic relationship with. I'm so grateful for you in my life ❤️ You make it safe for me to be big and to support you without feeling like it takes away from me."
THIS is why I do what I do. THIS is what my life is about. WHO I'm being and how that has an impact. It's about my relationships - with myself and with others - that nourish me in such a deep way.
Thank you to my dear friend, for filling me up and reminding me yet again of my countless blessings.
It feels good to tap in to my deeper truth. I'm still being with and learning from the fear that's been arising. I can see that it's a great teacher to me. I look forward to integrating and understanding more of what it has to share with me.
See ya'll tomorrow!
Hugs,
Julie