I've never thought of myself as a seeker. To me a seeker is dedicated to finding God. Yet I have always had a clear knowing - since I was a child - that I AM GOD. We all are.
I've learned that my work is to find all the ways that I have forgotten I am God so that I can live GOD here in this human form.

There are always lots of places of forgetting for me to explore. One place that I dove into recently is in my work as a channel….

You see, to be completely authentic, I see the beautiful wisdom that comes through me when I channel. I notice that it supports me in remembering that I am God, and that it tends to help others to do the same.

Yet, I still hit up against resistance when I think about BEING a channel. Thoughts like...

  • "This is too woo-woo! I don't want to be an ungrounded new-ager!"
  • Channeling doesn't help people find God. They ARE God."
  • "What the heck am I actually channeling? This is weird."

Yes, sometimes I think it's weird. I've felt uncomfortable being on the outer fringes of what is mainstream, but when I dig deeper, I am uncomfortable with the gift that comes through me.

So despite the beautiful wisdom that I was accessing, I needed to go within and realign.  To do this, I have been sitting with the question, "What the heck am I actually channeling?" for quite some time... and a voice within me always responds when I ask the question "This is YOU."

I mean, I get that in the bigger sense that we are all connected and in that sense I conceptually understand that, "This is ME."

But my understanding of this was only conceptual and I wasn’t GETTING IT.  What am I channeling??

So I continued to explore.  I asked within myself for guidance.

What happened was profound.

I found a split within me - right around my heart. A place of forgetting. Forgetting of my own Divinity and the power of my own soul.

As I sat with the dense energy around my heart, it began to soften, and I had the experience of FEELING myself as an Infinite Being here in this physical body. My forgetting was melting away.

This is ME. The powerful, beautiful wisdom. The infiniteness. Me!

Whew, it feels like a lot to take on! And to be honest, as I write this I am still integrating my new experience of myself as God.
As I do, some of my illusions of GOD are shattering in beautiful ways. Part of my illusion of the experience of God kinda looked like this...

The gates of heaven, resting in a pillow of clouds, open up as the trumpets sound and a feeling of sheer lightness and bliss over come me.

Haha! Can you relate to your own conceptual images of God? Of Oneness? Of Divinity?

What I experience as I know myself as God, is that my God Self is blissfully profound, and utterly mundane. It is both. It includes the remembering AND the forgetting. The light, the dark. The spiritual bliss, the grief and sadness.

Each of us, in our ordinary and profound beauty, are God.

There is truly nothing outside of us to seek. Only forgetting to allow to dissolve into remembering.

As I continue to integrate my body awareness and experience of myself as God, it feels a bit scary.  Can I live my knowing more fully?

I can feel how my fear of my own power is what keeps me from living myself as God- just as Marianne Williamson has said in her infamous quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us."

To my ego-self, it feels overwhelming to know my own power and to accept the responsibility of living it as fully as possible. To my God-Self, that I channel, it is simply what is.

You are God. I am God. There is nothing outside of you. It is you. The whole of you. The parts you like and don't like.  The parts of your experience that are easeful, and those that are challenging. The parts you remember and the parts that you forget.

Each of us special and unique. None of us more special or unique. All of us infinite universes unto ourselves.

Let us each allow ourselves to be on the path of living our remembering. Here's to the journey. Aho.

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